I never knew I’d lose you this soon.
If only I knew, I would have said goodbye to you before I left the Philippines..
If only I knew, I would have said sorry for the hurtful things I’ve said to you, words that I hoped would wake you up and make you change..
If only I knew, I would have given you a hug or two for all those years that I never did…
If only I knew, I would have said I have forgiven you for all the years you wasted your life searching for that something you never seemed to find, for all the years you should have spent with us, your family..
Why did you leave me so soon?
When I was still a child, you kept leaving us for reasons I didn’t know then but I knew somehow, somewhere I will still see you around but not now. Finally, you are leaving me for good.. Why did you leave me without saying goodbye ?
I thought before I would never cry this much when you’re gone but I am crying so much now. I can’t believe you’re gone, you’re gone too soon Pa. You haven’t even seen your apo, my son, John, who has such a beautiful smile you won’t get tired of looking at him. I still want to show you America when I am able to get you here. I still want to see you happy and healthy, why did you leave me so soon?
So many questions that will never be answered Pa. But I guess you are happy now, finally you will no longer be alone. My father in heaven will take you in His arms and there’ll be no more pains and heartaches nor loneliness, and I know you long for this moment, to be at peace and happy finally , for forever…
I don’t know if I will ever be able to let go of your leaving me but I know that someday I have to .. but for now, I can’t .. I don’t want to say goodbye Pa. There are still a lot things unsaid, words that I hope I have said to you, when you were still alive and well. I am so sorry for being mean and brutally honest with all my feelings, I am so sorry. I forgive you for everything you’ve done, for all the promises you never kept, for all the times you said you’re sorry and never meant it.
I wish you have forgiven me too. Take only the good memories that we had when you think of me..I will too. I will think of you too, I’ll keep remembering the few good memories that I have of you. They are all I’ve got now…
I really don’t want to say goodbye..
My father passed away last February 4, 2007, at 2:15 P.M in Naga City, Camarines Sur.
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chari life’s like that….good for you at least you have some memories of your dad, me and my sisters wala man lang kasi mga baby pa kami ng mawala sya, ilang pics nya samin naubos pa ng mga bagyo, tapos layo layo pa ng lugar kung san sya nakalibing ayaw ng mga auntie namin na kunin namin remains nya kasi un na lang daw link namin sa kanila…..kaya pray na lang natin sila at least tapos na sila sa journey nila dito….un nga lang di man lang nila nakita mga apo nila…alam mo when im down i always think of my papa, ung bang ano kaya pakiramdam na may ama ka na matatakbuhan at makakausap… im missing him again…. masaya naman na sila wer man sila naroroon ngayon….
hi chari! there’s nothing we can do to ease your sadness of losing your dear father but please accept our sincere condolence. i was really touched reading your blog. in fact i was teary eyed. seems i can really feel what you are feeling right at this moment. just be strong chari. your dad is just watching over you and your son from above.
Hi Nana, Sorry ta mayo na palan si papa mo. Pareho an namamati ta ngonian maski ngani buhay pa man si papa sagkud si mama ko pero natatakut ako kun mag-abut man an time na bayaan naman ninda kami. Dipisil pagharayu sa pamilya nakamumundo.
hi chari, you really made me cry as i was reading your blog! I can really relate to you, coz me and my dad were not really in good terms when he passed away at the young age of 57..it was 2001. he died without even talking to me…it was hard…i was in Iloilo that time when it happend, so when i arrive in Manila i dont know how i will react..my actions…asking myself will i cry? but seeing my dad in that white box..thinking i will never hear his voice again…tears start to fall…
Cha, i know its hard for our father to leave like that…but we just have to think that they are now in our FATHERS house..finally theyre home….
Hi Chari, last time you made me smile with your blog, now I am teary-eyed. I exactly know how you feel, my father also passed 3 years ago. The only difference is that I was with him when he died. But just the same, no goodbyes were said. He died while taking a nap, the doctor said it’s cardiac arrest. It was so sudden we even ate breakfast together, by noon he’s dead. After 3 years, there were still nights when I would think of him and eventually cry. It will help you a lot if you just let it out, cry to your heart’s content. Now I am not afraid of death because I know that he will be there to meet me just as your father will be there for you.
He may not be the father you longed him to be but I am sure he loves you so much, the way you love your son. Ask somebody in your family back home to send you one of his personal belongings, a used shirt perhaps, belt, things he’s fond with, or letters with his own handwriting. You can always resort to those when you miss him so much.
Time is a great healer and I am confident that you will get through it soon. Please know you’re in my thoughts and share your grief.
you made me cry..
dont know what to say right now..
Halos di nya mapatawad sarili nya noong mabankcrupt mga negosyo nya noong mga bata pa kami and kelangan namin kumayod para lang lumaban sa buhay. SA ngaun inaatake pa rin ako nang kalungkutan sa isiping sana buhay pa si papa noong makilala ko husband ko para lubos syang masaya.. Kasi namatay sya sa katotohanang ibang mga kapatid kong babae halos bad ang life sinapit sa mga asa asawa nila and need to suffer for the rest of their life. Kapag nagkukuwentuhan kami ng hubby ko napapansin nyang bidang biday ko daw si papa ko.. of course..
yes, totoo ang sinabi ng ibang friends mo sa comments, iba ang may amang natatakbuhan kaso ako noong nabubuhay pa si papa ko sya ang bestfriend ko.. Kapag may nagsasabi saken na matalino ako sasabihin ko agad mana ako sa papa ko.. Kapag may nagsasabi na maganda ako sabi ko agad mana ako sa papa ko.. Ewan ko ba closed din ako sa mama ko pero iba si papa ko.. Sya yong tao na pakiramdam ko totoong nakakaintindi sa totoong nararamdaman ko. Ako at ang youngest sis ko na look alike ko ang favorite ng papa ko.. Halos di nya kami padapuan ng langaw noong mga baby pa kami..Ni wala kaming gasgas sa katwan although nakatira kami sa isla pero makikinis balat namin di katulad ngaun na sus ginoo dami, peklat d2 peklat dun
My dad died last March 18, 2003 after his birthday March 16, 2003. I was working in Manila and during my dad’s last breathe, my older bro told me that he was calling my name and my younger sis name but it’s too late then.. di ko na naabutan si papa.. sayang………yon yong damdamin ko na halos wala akong nakikitang tao, wala akong naririnig basta iba.. kapag malungkot ako kahit dito nasasambit ko lagi, sana andito si papa, although alam ko my dad is always here and just living on the other dimension (heavenly) Si papa ko pa yong laging bumibisita samen sa Manila pero kami halos once in a blue moon kung umuwi sa Bicol.
Noong pauwi ako sa bicol, ni hindi ko namalayan na tumaob yong bus na sinakyan ko sa katotohanang si papa wala na.. linisan na ang ang world at umuwi na sa taas. Pagod na sya sa takbuhan ng buhay dito, He was 75 then when he died..Ni ayaw nya magpahospital and my bro told us our dad knows that Jesus is calling him to go home already.. Kaya noong dadalhin sya sa hospital ayaw ni papa ko..
Again.. i’ll pray for you my friend inna.. and the rest of friends here..
just keep movin and fight for a good fight of faith sa larangan ng buhay d2 sa lupa..
God bless us all
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